Psst. Hey, you. Yes, you. Come closer. Want to know the secret to arguing effectively and winning every argument for the rest of your life? It’s simpler than you may think.

According to Dale Carnegie’s classic management (life AND business management) bible, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” the first step toward winning an argument is to avoid it altogether. If it’s a petty argument, the outcome of which won’t significantly affect you one way or the other, what’s the harm in letting the other person go on believing that they are right? By avoiding the argument, you get to keep the friendship or at least avoid the ire of the other party.

However, there are times when an argument just can’t be avoided. For those times, Reg Adkins at Elemental Truths has put together a succinct summary of the tips given by Dale Carnegie in his groundbreaking book:

The key is to choose your arguments as a general would choose his battles. Make sure you can win those battles you choose to enter. And make sure there is a substantial payoff if you do win.

1. Never accuse a person of being wrong even if you think they are. You should express your disagreement subtly, making it clear that your opinion diverges from theirs.

2. Admit your mistakes. If you realize you were wrong admit it immediately. People will take you more seriously. Modesty is an admirable quality.
3. Be pleasant.When you begin in a friendly way, the other person doesn’t become defensive.

4. Get your opponent saying yes. It’s important that you make your opponent say the word yes. The objective is to have that person stop regarding you as the adversary.

By agreeing with you they are introduced to the idea that you two can agree. It’s a proven technique.

5. Let them talk. Concentrate on listening. People love to talk and they love to hear themselves talk. This is a perfect example of the adage, “enough rope to hang himself.”

6. Make it their idea. Manipulate the conversation so that it seems whatever you wanted was their idea all along.

7. Keep an open mind. Make an effort to appreciate that people have different opinions. Try to see the situation from your opponent’s point of view.

8. Sympathize with your opponent’s desires. Everybody wants something, do what you can to find out what your opponent wants.

9. Plea for righteousness. Nobody is ever against “Truth, justice and the American way.”

10. Back it up. Bring in concrete examples ansupportrt numbers to illustrate your point.

11. Drop the gauntlet. Men are especially susceptible to this technique. Once you get their ego stirred up you’ve won.

12. Chill Bill. Arguments can be emotional. Be calm and don’t let your feelings take over.
There you have it.