Jun
8

17 Ways to Not Be a Complete Git


helpful firemen

There are plenty of web lists out there that will tell you how to do very specific things. You can learn all about shampooing your cat, organizing your pantry, and making intricate stained-glass VW Beetle ornaments…but how many resources are there to remind you how to be a decent person? These are the things we really need to know.

1. Learn how to use a public restroom correctly. News flash: it is NOT ok to neglect flushing in a public restroom, even if you fear the germs on the flusher handle.

2. Do not be a creepy date. This applies to men and women equally. We’ve all gone out with the weirdo who wants to move way too fast or who simply won’t accept it when you say you don’t want to see them again. Don’t be that weirdo.

open door3. Hold the door open for the person behind you. Some people think that other people will be offended if they hold the door open. These people were obviously raised by wolves. It is never rude to continue holding open a door that you have just passed through for the person directly behind you who is approaching the same door. In fact, you might say it is a little rude to let the door smack them in the face instead.

4. Don’t say the same phrase or punchline over and over, no matter how funny you think it is. (This is slightly more forgivable when you’re drunk.)

5. Don’t use your cellular phone while ordering a coffee, eating a meal, going through the checkout at a store, driving, or doing anything else that requires human interaction with people who are right in front of you.

6. When in a public place, people more than 5 feet from your group (or from you and your cell phone) shouldn’t be able to hear your every word. Use your polite voice, not your broadcast-everything-to-the-entire-establishment voice.

7. When grocery shopping, always leave enough room for other people to get by you in the aisle.

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9. Instead of nonchalantly flipping your business card at people by way of introduction, try shaking their hand and introducing yourself.

10. No matter how compellingly luscious you find your perfume or cologne, it’s guaranteed that at least some other people will find it repulsive. Don’t bathe in it before going out.

spraying perfume

11. Learn how to park your car. Taking up two or three spaces with your Hummer is not acceptable, even if you are “just running in for a minute.”

12. Likewise for parking in handicapped spots if you’re not.

13. Don’t rabidly push your views on other people. The chances are that you’ll just make them stick even more strongly to their own inferior convictions anyway.

delivering a speech

14. It is only acceptable to speak in kitty pidgin for a maximum period of two weeks after discovering LOLCats.

15. Understand personal boundaries, both physical and otherwise. Pushing your shopping cart into the backside of the person in front of you in line is a violation of personal space. Asking a complete stranger whether she dyes her hair is almost as intrusive.

16. Talking about biological functions in public? Not so considerate. Performing bodily functions in public? Even less so.

17. Be polite. It’ll get you a lot farther than you may think. In fact, being a good person and respecting other people - even when their opinions are different from yours - will get you a much better reaction than being rude and insulting.

5 Comments so far

  1. doug m on June 10th, 2008

    is it bad that i can read #8?

    people in this world are becoming more inconsiderate as the years pass on and there’s no real reason why.

    excellent list btw

  2. Sherrylove.net on June 10th, 2008

    Number 4 is so funny. I have a friend that say the same catch phrase over and over again. He is a good friend but sometimes I can’t stand hearing him saying “another day, another dollar” for 7 seven times a day. May be I should send him this article and highlight number 4. This is going to be fun. Hah!

  3. Angie on June 16th, 2008

    I wish the person who was stood behind me in the queue on Saturday would read number 6. She was having a really loud phone conversation and then an even louder conversation with the people she was with. The other people got really embarassed and told her to shut up. Learn to use your inside voice!

  4. Rebecca on June 17th, 2008

    This is a great list!

    I especially love #11 and #3. I am so sick of people who only think about themselves. There should also be a number 18 that says something to the effect of “Stop driving slow in the fast lane and don’t drive beside the other car. Get off your phone and drive!”

    And, by the way, #14, in my opinion, is never acceptable…ever.

  5. Anthony on June 27th, 2008

    This article is SOO true! Thanks for the post!!

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