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Four Ways To Pretend You’re Working
by lifehackery - All Posts By This Author
(6 votes)
Let’s face it, work sucks. Supervisors and managers prowl about the office floor, on the hunt for slackers and people who don’t put in their hours of work. As much as you’d like to be Employee of the Month and contribute your share to office productivity, there are just those days that you simply can’t work. Either you didn’t get your eight hours of sleep because of an all-night party, or you’ve just burned out.
The good news is that you don’t have to do actual work to be a productive member of the working class. You just have to pretend that you’re very busy at work. All you need is to give the higher-ups an impression that you’re a hard worker, and those bonuses and perks will all be yours… without ever doing actual work for the day.
1. Turn Your Workplace Into A Living Space
Ever wondered why many cubicle workers look like zombies at the end of the day? Cubicles are coffins for the living office worker, finished in drab and dull colors that don’t do much to increase productivity. Most companies don’t have rules regarding decorations on office space, although you may need to check again with your company’s employee manual if your company does have a rule. Here are some ideas to liven up your cubicle:
- Use a lot of Post-It’s. Cover your cubicle walls with a lot of these handy pieces of paper, and pretend you’re obsessed with meeting deadlines and attending meetings. Supervisors usually don’t bother to check what’s written on your Post-Its, so just fill them up with some funny quotes, interesting websites you can access via a proxy server, or other interesting stuff that can take your mind off work.
- Bring in toys. A Rubik’s cube, Newton’s balls, a cup-and-ball, or a small jigsaw puzzle can help you enjoy cubicle life. Play with your toys as soon as the supervisor takes his or her seat and turns to the work already assigned to him or her. Paper clips, fasteners, or even pens can work just as well.
- Drink a cup of coffee. Most workers would rather have a relaxing cup of cappuccino than pore over spreadsheets and documents. While you’re having a leisurely coffee break, you can simply stare at your computer screen and give your boss the impression that you’re “doing serious analysis.”
2. Office Theatrics
Supervisors and managers are always on the lookout for employees who are engrossed with working, although in big offices, they have absolutely no idea about specific job descriptions. At first glance, it may seem to your supervisor that you’re typing up a long report, but you’re merely writing poems or answering e-mails to while away time and boredom.
You simply have to hunch over your keyboard, look intently at the screen, and put on a few facial expressions like worry and stress. As long as you keep a steady typing rhythm, your boss will not be worried. You can also use a few groans, moans, and humming noises to lure your boss into thinking you’re stressed.
3. Sneaking in Sleep
Veteran office workers have long since mastered the art of sleeping with their eyes open. For others, sneaking in sleep can mean all the difference between staying employed and getting fired. There are many ways to get some much-needed sleep in an office without ever getting caught. Here are some ways to catch a few winks in the office:
- Office bathroom: it may not be as cozy, but it sure beats the alternative.
- Cafeteria: make sure to finish eating before you catch a quick nap
- Elevator: only works when you work in a really high floor of a high-rise building.
- Cubicle: here’s where it gets really tricky. You need to swivel your chair against the cubicle wall (a blind spot for many supervisors), face the computer monitor, and catch a shallow sleep with your head on your shoulder.
4. Observe Movement Patterns
Most people think that supervisors and managers pace about the office all the time. The good news is that most of them would only walk about the office at set times. They also have a set pattern for their daily inspections. Your boss’ movement patterns dictate when and how you can slack off at work. Using the Post-Its on your cubicle, take down the usual times your supervisor goes around, and what cubicle rows he or she usually inspects at that time. You can then schedule your slack-off periods outside these usual time frames, and pretend to work when the boss walks by your row.
These are just four of the many ways you can pretend to work. You definitely have to put in your share with the company, and you still can get fired if you abuse these tricks and your boss is on to you. You can use these handy tips on those slow days when work is simply a drag.
I will try!!
hey nice tip & nice blog. i’m wondering if you would like to add me to your blog roll & i could add you to mine.
thanks,
Dave
http://darx07.blogspot.com
PS: I actually bought a domain, but the dang company didn’t tell me there was no CNAME record editing until I already bought it. I have to wait 60 days to transfer to a different company and I really don’t want to host the actual blog with my hosting provider due to bandwidth limitations.
Great tips! Hopefully I won’t choke and die!
I work for a huge bank. I’m a server administrator, and I write alot of scripts. I can keep 97% of our 7000 machines in line with about an hour of work a day. The rest of the time is spent surfing the internet because my management refuses to pay me to work from home.
Lately I’ve been studying x86 machine code, reverse engineering, packet forging, and anything else related to IT that’s just a little more cutting edge than what I already know. So that’s what happens when they won’t let me instead study cute girls from a comfy chair in starbucks.
Type your emails in word. Make sure you have the company letterhead showing and your boss will be none the wiser.
Of the ways to look busy at the office is the George Constanza method. In one of Seinfeld’s episode, George discovered that by looking frustrated, angry and impatient gave his boss the impression that he is tied up with work.
My wife tried it. Works wonders
Lol. That’s what happens if you work for a job that you don’t like.
If you’re so bored at work, perhaps you should look into getting a better job.
I love the way you used reactions to fool your bosses. That’s what I always do during my police work and when I was still in showbiz. Though, my boss, who’s named Kuya Germs (eew! what a name?!!), caught me before firing me then stripping me off the local showbiz spotlight.
It’s harder to fake working and keeping a job than it is staying busy and keep your job.
from seinfeld - try the “george” approach. walk around the office at a slightly fast pace (or slower pace) than everyone else. make sure you have papers in hand.. and most important .. an annoyed look on your face. you can substitute distracted or thoutful for annoyed… works good.
also - learn buzz words - not the meanings just the words. you’ll most likely get away with using them because other people probably don’t know what they mean .. and don’t want to show their ignorance by asking.
a few more tricks you can use:
1.never wander around the office without anything on your hands, carry a notebook or a laptop even if you go to see a coleage to chat or even if you go to the bathroom, everybody will think you go to a meeting, avoid carrying a newspaper, people will know you go to the bathroom (yes, from dilbert)
2.go and walk fast, or even run, this gives the impression you have lots to do, but you simply are adding some mileage to your weekly training
3.if some day you get early on the morning or late on the afternoon, make sure that as much people as possible is aware of that, go several times to the bathroom, make a phone call speaking loud, when leaving late make a cellular call and make sure you are speaking while walking in front of your boss place, he/she will recognize your voice
4.if you connect from home, schedule outlook to send e-mails very early on the morning or late at night or during the weekend to make the impression you are working at that time, put in copy your boss
I think that’s what already be going on thanks for putting me on